I wipe my ass with Google.
- Francis: Look, I've had a lot of experience with heartache, and I'll tell you one thing: You've got to find a way to get your mind off it.
- Finley: *sobs on bed*
- Francis: Look! Here's my homework.
- Finley: I don't know what I'm gonna do. *sobbing* She was my light, my life, and my world!
- Francis: She put out huh?
- Finley: *sobs* Like crazy!
WeirdAss Dreams: May 16, 2013
These dreams are stupid, weird, but stupid. Also, very… very, terribly written.
I can’t remember them all, here are two places I do remember:
1) I was at the high school, stoned out of my mind. I’ve never done this before, to clarify. I went to the history hall to meet up with Mr. Robinson. Apparently, I had a math placement test to take there. I knocked and he let me in and I saw a bunch of other students I didn’t recognize. I immediately remember leaving my backpack and such in the science halls. He sat down again at student chair and began to work and I so decided to sit down before telling him I was leaving. Before I could talk, he said, “It’s okay. *wink* I know what test, you should just write a letter to them.” I think he was referencing me missing out on the Government AP test… Whut? Anyway, I tell him I gotta go, and then he tells me, “Hey, smoking pot is totally fine. It’s not even bad for you.”
OH MY GOD, did I just hear my History teacher tell me pot is cool? Here’s something I’m gonna take a moment to “analyze.” Well, I’ve definitely been happy about the pot being legalized around the country. And I found that my really cool writing professor is a huge pothead. He’s also really smart and it seems like he has his shit together. I mean, he also did some stupid things (got him on the news, but I don’t think this one was high for that one.) http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/ny-la-taxi-ride-friends-celebrating-birthday/story?id=13452198#.UZWUZqLVCSo Also, I’ve been thinking about my career goals a lot lately, and obviously I’ve been fantasizing about becoming a teacher. And besides trying my best to educate youngings and all that important stuff, I wanna be considered cool. LOL, maybe like Yarnton. So, I’ve been thinking that I’m gonna be like a stoner teacher and be really chill. I’m not selling them weed or telling them I smoke or anything stupid, but oh… they’ll know, in the back of their minds… Mr. Luu? He smokes a shit ton of pot. LOL, jk.
Continuing, I was freaking out that Mr. Robinson told me pot was really cool. I mean, I could see him toking a bowl, but I just didn’t see him doing it. So, I was silent now. Remember, I was stoned, so when I say I was freaked, I mean it, even in my dreams. I mean, I couldn’t even believe it. This was when I started questioning if it were a dream or not. I didn’t come to a good conclusion, I just kept believe it was real, and that Robinson was stoner positive. Anyway, I told him I had to go get my stuff, got up mosied through the little spacing between chairs and got out. Skipping forward to what I remember… I was heading back to the history buildings to take the test from the science buildings, but then I saw Victoria! So I said Hi! It was chill, but it was as if we were still in highschool. If that makes sense. And then things got… heated? I’m not sure. Anyway, I told her that I was talking to Robinson and that he told me, “Weed is totally okay,” and that I was freaking out.” She just told me to stop getting high and I told her I wasn’t even though I totally was! So I kept bothering her until I got jumped and the next thing I could remember was my next dream.
2) I was still in a familiar place, but it changed quickly… I was still baked. But now, I was driving. Adrien in my passenger and Danny in my back. Which was chill. Apparently, we had dinner somewhere. Anyway, the sky was a dark purple and super hazy and I was hoping that was foreshadow for a good drive. We passed a familiar cross section, Warner and Harbor, but quickly it changed to something totally unfamiliar. We were driving up hill… this hill was pretty steep and long. Suddenly, there was a loud bang I freaked the fuck out and felt like I was not in the right state of mind to drive. We were already stopped at a red light up hill, so I decided to play Chinese firecrackers. But quickly realized I was probably the best person to drive. Adrien seem drunk as a mother fucker, just flopping in his seat, telling me to shut up. Danny was just knocked out. I presume he was just tired, so I hounded him to drive. Anyway, the cars in front of me seemed to move to the next lane or something, and I saw a motorcycle cop car. (He was using his feet to keep his motorcyle from rolling down backwards? He was constantly crawling his bike up with his feet. What?) I keep freaking because it’s a cop, even though it was srsly an okay situation. Adrien kept getting out of the car talking to people, cause he was drunk (I freaked out more because Adrien was underaged drunk and I kept trying to get Danny to drive. Nothing happens and Adrien comes back.) We sit there waiting for the red light when all of a sudden the cop turns around and we are able to talk to him even though we have the car screen between us. He wasn’t even yelling, and neither were we; it was traffic. Yeah. Anyway, he started telling his there was an accident and that everything was gonna be okay, and then he said, “I’ll let you in on a secret. I know.” Then I’m like, WHAT?
(that’s a lot of me freaking out, but the next stuff gets… better.)
So we finally get over the steep ass hill and we get under a white bridge. This bridge led to some kind of amusement park. I was separated from Adrien and Danny and I meet up with young Dewey from Malcom in the Middle. We go to a ice cream parlour and chill. Apparently it was free ice creams all days. I found that there was some kind of family feud between the Malcom in the Middle family and this other secret family. (This family seemed to be better in every possible way. They were smart, rich, and great singers.) I guess they ran the ice cream shop. Anyway, the cashier, who was part of the family was super cute and flirted with me, and I was like, “Okay. This is now a dream, fuck yeah.” I was trying to get her to get me all the ice cream and icee treats while I told Dewey to fuck off while I took advantage. All of a sudden this cute little girl walks by me and gives me my wallet, telling me I should be more careful. *wink* Apparently she was also a part of the family. For some reason the wallet had a shit ton of money and I just started using it to buy food instead of just taking it. (I think the little girl stuff the wallet with money.) I learned that this amazingly attractive family and Dewey’s family had some kind of beef. They all thought that Dewey was the true gem of the family though, not Genius Malcom. LOL. So I asked them about the feud, and apparently they went way back. Anyway, the secret family began to sing this pop song and somewhere Justin Bieber comes out and sings with them. I was like, “Fuck this dream, it’s too much.” I kept eating ice cream with Dewey until I finally woke up.
So basically, two things here: Mr. Robinson is stoner friendly, and Justin Bieber is… JB.
what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
How stoned are you right now?
Was that a fucking pun?
sometimes you just need to lay on the floor
I do this every single fucking night.
does the green lantern one bum everyone else out, too? lonely hal is lonely.
All sorts of like. (But there should be a Kyle out ahead of lonely Hal)
Bruce is missing some kids.
“In response to Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries not wanting “not so cool” kids or women who wear size large to wear his company’s clothes, Greg Karber has come up with a funny and creative way to readjust the Abercrombie & Fitch brand.
He’s giving their clothes to the homeless.
After scouring his local thrift shop’s “douchebag section,” Karber heads to LA’s Skid Row to dole out the clothes among the homeless population. Watch the stunt and find out how you can be involved in one man’s troll-job on a company with some pretty unflattering business practices in the video above.”
I like this guy-if I actually had any of their clothes (I never fit, go figure) I would do this
This really fuels my hate fire.
There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy’s father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.
On the first day of this lesson, the little boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. He was really mad!
Over the course of the next few weeks, the little boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased.
It wasn’t long before the little boy discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Then, the day finally came when the little boy didn’t lose his temper even once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn’t wait to tell his father.
Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper.
Several weeks went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
“You have done very well, my son,” he smiled, “but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.”
The little boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak.
“When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you’re sorry, the wounds will still be there.”
the sexual tension when u and ur crush are online on fb at the same time and u just stare at their lil green dot
and suddenly you know what gatsby felt like
This is actually the most profound and appropriate literary allusion I’ve encountered so far this week.